Sex Addiction Signs

Is My Partner An Addict?

As a professional who works solely with addicts, I have observed certain patterns that point to sexual addiction. As the spouse, you may waver between believing your instincts that say there is something wrong and believing the words of your husband who claims that the only problem in the marriage is your paranoia and your nagging. Addicts behave in strikingly similar ways and I hope the following 'red flags' will either dispel or support your concerns.

Sex Addiction Signs

Is My Partner An Addict?

As a professional who works solely with addicts, I have observed certain patterns that point to sexual addiction. As the spouse, you may waver between believing your instincts that say there is something wrong and believing the words of your husband who claims that the only problem in the marriage is your paranoia and your nagging.

Addicts behave in strikingly similar ways and I hope the following 'red flags' will either dispel or support your concerns.

He is either hypersexual and coercive (i.e. tries to get you to do things you don’t want to do), or he is completely disinterested in sex; claiming fatigue or stress. You may feel that your husband is 'not there' when you are having sex.

Your sexual life tends toward extremes.

Your otherwise healthy husband is unable to maintain an erection during sex.

38% of porn addicts experience erectile dysfunction. This is a result of the mind acclimatizing to the unnaturally high levels of dopamine that porn produces so that sex with you is no longer arousing.
If you so much as pick up his cell phone, he rages at you. He has multiple phone numbers and email addresses. Like a dog with his food, an addict will bark if you get close to discovering his secret.

He is very possessive of his cell phone and it never leaves his side.

Your husband spends an excessive amount of time online at times.

He does this while you and the kids are in bed or in locations (in his study/office out of view of the family) that are inaccessible to you. Addiction creates a need for more and more. He may know that you don't like him viewing porn but he still needs his drug, so he will find ways to get high without you knowing.
This allows him to use the internet without any trace. In order to protect his supply, he needs to hide where he has been online.

His laptop, phone, and tablet have erased histories.

He seems distant, withdrawn, or critical.

He is highly critical of you, your appearance, and your habits. He seems to enjoy finding things wrong with you. Addicts resent reality. Real relationships take work. Porn requires only a click of the finger. Real life has highs and lows. Porn offers only highs.
Or he gets up in the middle of the night for an extended period of time. When questioned, he might admit to surfing the internet or complain of insomnia.

He habitually comes to bed hours after you do.

Unaccounted-for cash disappears from your accounts.

He may insist on having sole domain over your finances. Addicts avoid transparency in regard to finances, time, and behaviors.
He often describes former partners this way as well. In order to remain active in an addiction, an addict needs to find fault outside of themselves.

If you confront him with suspicions, he tells you that “you’re crazy and controlling”.

His time is often unaccounted for.

He is frequently unreachable by phone for hours at a time.
He is either hypersexual and coercive (i.e. tries to get you to do things you don’t want to do), or he is completely disinterested in sex; claiming fatigue or stress. You may feel that your husband is 'not there' when you are having sex.

Your sexual life tends toward extremes.

Your otherwise healthy husband is unable to maintain an erection during sex.

38% of porn addicts experience erectile dysfunction. This is a result of the mind acclimatizing to the unnaturally high levels of dopamine that porn produces so that sex with you is no longer arousing.
If you so much as pick up his cell phone, he rages at you. He has multiple phone numbers and email addresses. Like a dog with his food, an addict will bark if you get close to discovering his secret.

He is very possessive of his cell phone and it never leaves his side.

Your husband spends an excessive amount of time online at times.

He does this while you and the kids are in bed or in locations (in his study/office out of view of the family) that are inaccessible to you. Addiction creates a need for more and more. He may know that you don't like him viewing porn but he still needs his drug, so he will find ways to get high without you knowing.
This allows him to use the internet without any trace. In order to protect his supply, he needs to hide where he has been online.

His laptop, phone, and tablet have erased histories.

He seems distant, withdrawn, or critical.

He is highly critical of you, your appearance, and your habits. He seems to enjoy finding things wrong with you. Addicts resent reality. Real relationships take work. Porn requires only a click of the finger. Real life has highs and lows. Porn offers only highs.
Or he gets up in the middle of the night for an extended period of time. When questioned, he might admit to surfing the internet or complain of insomnia.

He habitually comes to bed hours after you do.

Unaccounted for cash disappears from your accounts.

He may insist on having sole domain over your finances. Addicts avoid transparency in regard to finances, time, and behaviors.
He often describes former partners this way as well. In order to remain active in an addiction, an addict needs to find fault outside of themselves.

If you confront him with suspicions, he tells you that “you’re crazy and controlling”.

His time is often unaccounted for.

He is frequently unreachable by phone for hours at a time.

If you suspect that your husband is hiding his porn use from you, calmly voice your concerns, and ask your husband to join you for a treatment session. If he denies a problem, I recommend you seek to help yourself as you will need some 'sanity' breathed into your life to blow away the confusing fog addiction creates. The best attitude to have with your husband is one of firm resolve that YOU are going to heal, regardless of what he chooses to do. 

Click the button below for more information on available support for women facing their partner's addiction.

Support for Partner's

If you suspect that your husband is hiding his porn use from you, calmly voice your concerns, and ask your husband to join you for a treatment session. If he denies a problem, I recommend you seek to help yourself as you will need some 'sanity' breathed into your life to blow away the confusing fog addiction creates. The best attitude to have with your husband is one of firm resolve that YOU are going to heal, regardless of what he chooses to do. 

Click the button below for more information on available support for women facing their partner's addiction.

Support for Partner's