As one who was hopelessly addicted to lust for over 25 years, I am an expert in what does not work.
My formal education was at Stanford University and Princeton Theological Seminary and I am an ordained minister.
In 2010 I trained under Patrick Carnes' organization, IITAP, which specializes in training clinicians and pastors to work with those affected by compulsive sexual behavior. For the last 12 years, I have worked as a CSAT (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist) and helped hundreds of couples and individuals.
In December 2022, IITAP needed to switch my certification designation from CSAT to PSAP supervisor (Pastoral Sexual Addition Provider) to represent my pastoral background. However, as IITAP does not allow PSAPs to facilitate disclosure, as of March 2023, I will be providing my services as an independent Pastoral Care Provider helping couples and individuals in exactly the same way I have always done.
My informal training for this work is equally, if not more, important. As one who was hopelessly addicted to lust for over 25 years, I am an expert in what does not work.
In 2009 I found freedom through a simple but thorough program of honesty and fellowship, which transformed my life.
As one who was hopelessly addicted to lust for over 25 years, I am an expert in what does not work.
My formal education was at Stanford University and Princeton Theological Seminary and I am an ordained minister.
In 2010 I trained under Patrick Carnes' organization, IITAP, which specializes in training clinicians and pastors to work with those affected by compulsive sexual behavior. For the last 12 years, I have worked as a CSAT (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist) and helped hundreds of couples and individuals.
In December 2022, IITAP needed to switch my certification designation from CSAT to PSAP supervisor (Pastoral Sexual Addition Provider) to represent my pastoral background. However, as IITAP does not allow PSAPs to facilitate disclosure, as of March 2023, I will be providing my services as an independent Pastoral Care Provider helping couples and individuals in exactly the same way I have always done.
My informal training for this work is equally, if not more, important. As one who was hopelessly addicted to lust for over 25 years, I am an expert in what does not work.
In 2009 I found freedom through a simple but thorough program of honesty and fellowship, which transformed my life.
What is my recovery philosophy?
I am never shocked by what sex addicts do. To me, it just proves that the Bible is true. The Lord is our Shepherd, and we are His wayward sheep. Pornography or sex addiction is simply a manifestation of our sinful, rebellious nature.
We all fall short of the glory of God. The flesh within us all is constantly at war with a Holy God. However, the blessing that can come out of sexual sin is that the behavior is so overtly wrong, unlike, say, the sins of gossip or judgment, that we are brought to a point of recognizing in a deep way that we need the Cross of Jesus Christ. We experience the truth of Romans 7 on a daily, even hourly, basis, ‘when I want to do good, evil is right there with me.’ It is a terrible but necessary awakening to come to the truth that we are truly bent toward evil and that in our own strength, we cannot set ourselves free.
Sex/porn addiction is such a grievous manifestation of our sinful nature that when the Lord brings our bondage to light, this awareness drags us to the foot of the cross, where we experience the timeless words of Rock of Ages, “nothing in my hands I bring, simply to thy cross I cling.” Once you see yourself more clearly, you will come to know your need for a savior more intensely. Once you hit this rock bottom, everything changes.
The key to freedom is repentance, and this cannot be in words only. It needs to be in action. A man can say sorry a hundred times, but unless he repents, he will fall again. Repentance means not only turning from sexual sin but also and more importantly, turning from the way of life that provided fertile ground for that sin. A man needs to change the way he is living, not just make another attempt to stop the behavior through self-reliance and willpower.
The problem is not the porn use or sex; that is the guy's solution to his underlying problem, which is a lack of true fellowship in his life.
We need to stop living two lives. We need to stop living in isolation, hiding who we are from others, and propping up a false self-image. We need to tell the truth and live in the light of others, and this all starts with a full disclosure.
The blessing of recovery is that there are very specific steps a guy needs to take; it’s not a vague process but rather a very clear step-by-step path. It really does not matter how far the guy has fallen as long as he is willing to submit himself utterly to the Truth. If a guy learns what it means to conduct his life in the light and actually walks it out, he will heal. That is the biblical recipe for healing, and with that recipe comes a promise, ‘if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanses us from all sin.’ Our part is to ‘walk in the light’, which God enables us to do, and the reward is a true fellowship which our God-created heart craves and true cleansing.
The problem is not the porn use or sex..
The beauty of God’s method is that there is always hope as long as we live in the light of others..
The beauty of God’s method is that there is always hope as long as we live in the light of others.
The Lord provides His people with a simple and effective healing path. In recovery, the Lord will lead a man by saying to him, “Pick up your mat and walk,” and just like the paralyzed man to whom the Lord said those words, the man in recovery, may never have walked in the light before; they may feel unclear or unable to do it, but with that command of the Lord comes the ability. The paralyzed man actually got up and walked just as the guy who has hidden his whole life could begin to live an authentic and transparent life. This is the life change required for true repentance, and this is God’s call to his people.
What is my recovery philosophy?
I am never shocked by what sex addicts do. To me, it just proves that the Bible is true. The Lord is our Shepherd, and we are His wayward sheep. Pornography or sex addiction is simply a manifestation of our sinful, rebellious nature.
We all fall short of the glory of God. The flesh within us all is constantly at war with a Holy God. However, the blessing that can come out of sexual sin is that the behavior is so overtly wrong, unlike, say, the sins of gossip or judgment, that we are brought to a point of recognizing in a deep way that we need the Cross of Jesus Christ. We experience the truth of Romans 7 on a daily, even hourly, basis, ‘when I want to do good, evil is right there with me.’ It is a terrible but necessary awakening to come to the truth that we are truly bent toward evil and that in our own strength, we cannot set ourselves free.
Sex/porn addiction is such a grievous manifestation of our sinful nature that when the Lord brings our bondage to light, this awareness drags us to the foot of the cross, where we experience the timeless words of Rock of Ages, “nothing in my hands I bring, simply to thy cross I cling.” Once you see yourself more clearly, you will come to know your need for a savior more intensely. Once you hit this rock bottom, everything changes.
The key to freedom is repentance, and this cannot be in words only. It needs to be in action. A man can say sorry a hundred times, but unless he repents, he will fall again. Repentance means not only turning from sexual sin but also and more importantly, turning from the way of life that provided fertile ground for that sin. A man needs to change the way he is living, not just make another attempt to stop the behavior through self-reliance and willpower.
The problem is not the porn use or sex..
The problem is not the porn use or sex; that is the guy's solution to his underlying problem, which is a lack of true fellowship in his life. We need to stop living two lives. We need to stop living in isolation, hiding who we are from others, and propping up a false self-image. We need to tell the truth and live in the light of others, and this all starts with a full disclosure.
The blessing of recovery is that there are very specific steps a guy needs to take; it’s not a vague process but rather a very clear step-by-step path. It really does not matter how far the guy has fallen as long as he is willing to submit himself utterly to the Truth. If a guy learns what it means to conduct his life in the light and actually walks it out, he will heal. That is the biblical recipe for healing, and with that recipe comes a promise, ‘if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanses us from all sin.’ Our part is to ‘walk in the light’, which God enables us to do, and the reward is a true fellowship which our God-created heart craves and true cleansing.